Farewell…..don’t hold your breath. 

These days I have my eyes peeled on an abandoned nest. It had been a flurry of activity few months ago and now it is placid. I am alluded to this perpetual fancy of watching this forsaken nest. I am actually awaiting it to break into activity all over again.Reasonably so ,as I had witnessed a remarkable workmanship of intricately woven grass and twigs,leaves and feathers. An architectural marvel of elegance and endurance on the well-hidden crotches of the tree. The bird gave it up without demur once it was done with raising it’s fledglings. How I wish I could have been like the bird !.

I had to encounter the agony of giving away the only home I grew up. My growing up years , brief as it was , was spent in that house, exquisitely touched with laughter and tears. I had accepted separation the day I was married and was exclusively in the process of building a new home. But was never adapted to giving it away altogether.I had assured myself to retreat to this place whenever I wanted my moments of peace and had to take an edge off from my worries. But I was shattered , when my parents decided to sell off the house and move into our ancestral home. The very thought of never coming back again to pick up the strings of memories was  harrowing.When the final day came, I picked up a quiet corner and shuddered away, as tears welled up. Downhearted unlike the bird. The ultimate farewell was so full of sadness.

As the years passed by , I acceded to the fact that it was not just about the house but the special and beautiful place I held for it in my heart. I didn’t have to say ‘good-bye’ and give into the misery of that word. A thought crossed my heart that I just had to look back on the moments of liveliness, solace and at times euphoria spent in that house. I merely had to lock away those memories into the sunny corner of my heart.So whenever I had to endure separation from anything as dear as that, I had to reach deep within me and bring back that moment from the sunny corner. Instantly I knew the meaning of never saying ‘good -bye’ and putting myself into blue funk. Possibly the bird too took away the such moments of joy and happiness!

Pa’s girl… 

“It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing,but there is a special  place in heaven for a father who takes his daughter  shopping”… John Sinor

My father has earned his place in heaven. The first man in my life deserves nothing less. My father doated on me. Being the only child , he spent his vitality into sculpting me to his credible idea of a ‘real woman’. His savoir-faire was one that dotted the i’s and crossed the t’s and pressing. I knew ,I had to be authentic, dependable and self-reliant. At times,I found him extreme and tyrant, and wanted to defy his paternal ideas and standards. Of all the traits , fortitude was something he admired the most and he instilled that in me. This is something helps me through my trials till date. He often spoke to me about fears and his appeasing words fascinated me to my fears. His brilliant way of  handling my fears made me less hesitant to be put through the wringer. He approved of any hobby or profession but I had to give my one hundred percent. 

Decades have passed , the minor trials and triumphs of childhood have faded away but my moments with him haven’t. I keep reminiscing them. I don”t need an over commercialized ‘Father’s Day ” to remember him. He exists in my thoughts in my re-collection of a happy childhood or a nostalgic adult . Those memories were caught and held in the meshes of mind so impervious to time. Though he has been one with elements of nature for eight years now, he doesn’t seem to have gone too far. Whenever I want to feel close to him , I pick up from the assortment ‘ The time we spent together’ . It took me more than twenty years to understand why he was bent on molding me the way he wanted .My father was just indulging in his curiosity. He was not seeking to inspire me or enlighten me. He was just pleasing his enthusiasm and letting me on the results!