A fortnight ago my son got a seizure attack, fell in the washroom and injured himself.I panicked at the sight of him lying in a pool of blood. The incident shook me and I’m still coming to terms with it. But I remind myself that I could get timely help and avoid the worse. This was not the first time that I bought my calm senses to the fore. He being autistic my energies are challenged everyday. But this time around it was something I was slightly unprepared for. There comes a time in life when certain incidents wane away our vigor and fortitude. It’s then the memory of some long forgotten episode strikes a note and makes it bearable for us. In moments of emotional catastrophe, memories often turn out to be the ultimate reserves of psyche. The mysterious spectrum which focuses on our basic feelings about life.We never know which memory planted in our past will grow to be a rose. Time and again most pronounced and acknowledged remembrances are ostensibly simple and ones that do not rock the boat.They have capability to replenish our self belief.
We all are products of our pasts. Everyone of us has ‘should not have done that’ thing behind us. Our pasts may have been bleak or a mix of both good and bad. We brush away few things under the mat and hope mad that it remains there forever. All we are trying to do is to put away the past behind us to move on in life or atleast, that is what we think we are doing. The fact is we are actually avoiding the problem. We are still carrying the baggage from the past. We set out on our journey leaving our past in the closet. We succeed in our goals and there is no stopping us, but the fear of our past tumbling out of the closet haunts us. It makes us difficult to trust people or confide in them. We don our jogging shoes and keep racing away from our past. We run until our lungs finally give away. It’s a nightmare to run away from anything. We run probably because the bruises caused by fragmented chunks of us are deep and are still hurting. There comes a point in time where we essentially need to stop and take a breather. We have to trust someone. We have to allow that someone to re-assemble those broken chunks of us for us. We know for sure that we cannot change the past nor do we have control over the consequences arising out of it. It is pointless to swap our peace, order and balance in life with chaos, disturbance and imbalance. The only option we have is ‘mai pen rai’ the Thai philosophy of accepting and moving on. We need not flee anymore. Give up the jogging shoes and rest your hand on your knees. Put the curiosity to rest by being brave enough to place the facts before the world. Take the load off your chest. There is only one life and we have to figure it out well.