Is all I want…. 

Dead on my feet and spent, I am

Seeking the earthly possessions

Immortal peace is all I desire

And a spell of solitariness, I aspire

Pandemonium I seek to forsake

And drift away into tranquility

To gain a retreat to the soulful whispers

A walk into the woods I take

Or stand in the midst of a meadow

And face the heavens to watch birds soar with gusto

Or sit by the river for respite

All and all the misgivings I shun

 And walk away into faith with certainty to beckon. 

Farewell…..don’t hold your breath. 

These days I have my eyes peeled on an abandoned nest. It had been a flurry of activity few months ago and now it is placid. I am alluded to this perpetual fancy of watching this forsaken nest. I am actually awaiting it to break into activity all over again.Reasonably so ,as I had witnessed a remarkable workmanship of intricately woven grass and twigs,leaves and feathers. An architectural marvel of elegance and endurance on the well-hidden crotches of the tree. The bird gave it up without demur once it was done with raising it’s fledglings. How I wish I could have been like the bird !.

I had to encounter the agony of giving away the only home I grew up. My growing up years , brief as it was , was spent in that house, exquisitely touched with laughter and tears. I had accepted separation the day I was married and was exclusively in the process of building a new home. But was never adapted to giving it away altogether.I had assured myself to retreat to this place whenever I wanted my moments of peace and had to take an edge off from my worries. But I was shattered , when my parents decided to sell off the house and move into our ancestral home. The very thought of never coming back again to pick up the strings of memories was  harrowing.When the final day came, I picked up a quiet corner and shuddered away, as tears welled up. Downhearted unlike the bird. The ultimate farewell was so full of sadness.

As the years passed by , I acceded to the fact that it was not just about the house but the special and beautiful place I held for it in my heart. I didn’t have to say ‘good-bye’ and give into the misery of that word. A thought crossed my heart that I just had to look back on the moments of liveliness, solace and at times euphoria spent in that house. I merely had to lock away those memories into the sunny corner of my heart.So whenever I had to endure separation from anything as dear as that, I had to reach deep within me and bring back that moment from the sunny corner. Instantly I knew the meaning of never saying ‘good -bye’ and putting myself into blue funk. Possibly the bird too took away the such moments of joy and happiness!

The dream amphora

At the crack of dawn, when I rise,

Parting with the night gone by,

And the sun gleaming through the window,

I push myself out of the bed,

And head to draw the blinds away,

To feel the morning air,

To gain that vitality ,

With a day ahead to pace,

And dreams to chase.

Each morning is a new day,

And special in it’s own way.

A fair shake to do something momentous,

And cast a dream into the amphora. 

What is it about the dream?

Should you speculate!

Sometimes it’s about bringing repose

To a agitated soul.

And should that dream seem afar ,

But not impassable ;

I cast it into the dream amphora.

Sometimes it’s about the fear ,

Of losing all that is dear ;

Thoughts of dismay, 

But not invincible.

And most certain to vanquish one day.

I cast it into the dream amphora

Sometimes it’s about love

Tender feeling that bolsters ,

To grow out of all that hurts,

Dusting off all the hate;

Though it seems a long shot

But not fake ;

To sense it someday,

I cast it to the dream amphora.

Sometimes it’s about peace,

About a distant place of tranquil,

Where regrets cease,

But still seems mythical,

To make it real,

I cast it into the dream amphora. .

Sometimes it’s  about God ,

And His Invisible Hand,

Convinced that He shall never let me down,

To nurture my faith,

I cast it into the dream amphora.

Every night when I crawl in,

And shut my eyes to dream, 

It’s about some virtue held close to my bosom,

And seemed to be a delusion,

But a certainty too.

So I just kept adding dreams to the dream amphora,

Now o’er the years its repleted;

But there’s room for more,

As some I have realized,

And they are out of the dream amphora.

Unrealized ones still remain

For they will come true someday,

Assured that I am,

It’s just need to keep up with dignity.

And dream my way into eternity.

Dowloading the happiness app…. 

Life was surfing through the hardknocks. I happened to type ‘solutions’. But the ‘solutions’ file wouldn’t run and the error message read’Not enough memory to complete this operation. Quit one or more application to increase the available memory, and then try again. I ran a scan, checking for viruses, malware and adware. And look what I found ! Worry, fear, doubt, regret, blame and competition all eating into my memory. Deleted it without a second thought. Gave a re-start  and allowed changes to take effect. Now a new program ‘happiness’  was in place. Life is just about happiness rooted in optimism. 

Jack Cantfield states, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” 

Fears and worries are good as long as they keep you away from imminent pitfalls but beyond that they just get in the way of leading a normal  and contended life. I personally feared and worried about being hurt and humiliated.In order to save myself, I denied everything that life had to offer  with passion, excitement and acceptance.  I cast doubts on my ability to love and create. It’s only when I looked the other way from these demons,  I found the real me.People are going to judge us. They are going to be critical both ways. Some think it’s their business and there are some who don’t have better occupation. Sometimes criticisms are disguised compliments announced by the ones who cannot handle your arrival.Take it in your  stride and fill your soul with peace and hope. Life is magnificent and beautiful. Pierce the bubble of anxiety and misery. If you are finding it difficult to do it but want to get out of it,  try confiding in a genuine friend.  Reassurances from a being are great morale boosters. Stay present, though it may seem crooked and strange but you are sure to hit the goal post.

“We live in a culture that has for centuries now,cultivated the idea that skeptical person is always smarter than one who believes. You can almost be as stupid as a cabbage as long as you doubt” Dallas Wilard. 

Now being as stupid as a cabbage is unacceptable to me and true for most of us. Doubting self pulls you away from trying. You will never know what you are capable of , once doubt grabs you. Counter it before it drives you against the wall.You can befriend your doubts and make it a tool to serve you. Know from where they originate,analyse it,  put it through a test and make it a motivating force. 

Regrets are things of the past. They have lessons and that is where the buck should stop. It should never be allowed to get in the way of our present, that has the power to shape our future. Libba Bray sums it up beautifully, “We all do things we desperately we could undo. Those regrets just become a part of who we are along with everything else, to spend time trying to change that, well it’s chasing clouds.” 

We consider ourselves as flawless or less likely to falter.One fine day,the truth is bare that we are just normal beings much vulnerable than we thought,the little things withheld tumble out of closet. We are not ready for it. We choose to blame to make ourselves feel better. It gives us momentary solace of being right and finding comfortable ground. 

These days we are on social site,  interacting and sharing thoughts. But sometimes your colleagues indulge in chest thumping activities. You start feeling like a looser.  It cuts you off from the  joy of your journey of life.Competing is fine as long as you meet lovely people  and worthy companions to help growth inside out. Competing is making life glorious where ever you stand.Rumi says,” Take someone who doesn’t keep score, who’s not looking  to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest ever in his own personality:he’s free. ”

Just play the hand you are dealt and play it well ,putting aside fears, worries, regrets, blame and competition.